Journals15
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A Long Way Till Friday...
3 min read
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No Idea What is Wrong With Me....
4 min read
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I'M BACK~
3 min read
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Hi guys...
I'm back with the same topic.
So basically, to what I've been saying in the previous journal entry, I've been talking about me changing schools and some of my feelings. So, read on if you want to know what this journal is going to be about.
Everything started of the beginning of the week, at first I'm not quite able to accept what's going on and the reason is because I have to take an entry exam and I have to pass to be able to learn there, but I've been thinking to randomly doing the questions because I don't want to go there. And the test is THIS Saturday and I only have 1 week to prepare and this week have been a REALLY busy week and I have no time to study. And people who wants to take the entry exam for a new school, it takes "weeks" for them to prepare but me, I got only one week and I only studied for like 1 day and I have no other time to study now I'm pretty stressed.
On Saturday... I've been praying that I'm willing to do anything to not leave my school, but it seems like it makes me feel even worse because when I have to go to bed, I cried in my room, well because of stress and stuff. I guess that makes me feel a little better. Now with even more tests and projects and whatever coming up, my brain seems like it's almost to it's exploding point because 50% of my brain is thinking about the new school thing and 25% for homework and 20% for what my parents and teachers are expecting from me and 5% for other stuffs.
So... for now I'm quite lost in sadness, but I always try to be positive, but it's like I'm lying to my self. On the outside I'm happy, but inside, I'm sad.
Well, to explain what I'm feeling right now, some pictures:
:trapped-inside:
Just for you guys to get the idea. But actually I feel like I'm stressed this whole week and I'm not able to concentrate at anything and I always try to fake a smile, no one actually knew my true feelings inside and probably a few friends ask me if I'm going to leave for real, and probably they care. The others... well never mind, only a few knew about it, I'm not going to tell this to the gossipy friends, or else the news will be spread within one school day and I don't want others to know. And probably, another feeling that I got, if I'm gone, I wonder who will miss me or notice that I'm gone...
Well, I don't know what I want to say anymore, posting this makes me feel somehow better and it makes me want to cry at some point. Now here's a lesson I learned, life have it's ups and downs, without it I won't be alive. And, something that didn't kill you makes you stronger than before. Even though everyday may not be good, but there's something good in everyday.
Bye for now guys... I might post again after my entry exam and results. Probably it would make me feel better
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PLEASE READ: 2014, The Worst Year Ever
3 min read
Hi Guys~
Based on the title, I guess this journal entry might not be as cheerful as the previous one about my haircut. Even though it's just the first 2 months of the year, it's getting horrible for me. PLEASE READ THE WHOLE JOURNAL IF POSSIBLE.
I got a question for you guys, and here is the question:
" If you have to change school for whatever reason, how will you feel and what will you do?"
You guys might be asking me why I want to ask you guys this question out of all of the questions that I could ask. Well, the answer is quite simple and a little sad, I'm changing school next year.
I know the feeling of how it would feel about changing schools, I'm always afraid of not fitting in and doing everything wrong on the first day. Even though it's not at the end of the semester yet, I'm starting to feel sick. Also, there's an entrance exam and I'm afraid I might do something wrong. I'm not sure if it's a writing test or just a random speaking test, just to let you know I have no idea.
I got some friends at my neighborhood attending at this school and they're like around one grade lower than me, and for some reason, I feel afraid of seeing them again because one, I haven't see them for many months, and two I'm afraid of getting ask why I move here instead and those friends telling their old friend about why I change schools and everything went horribly wrong. I told my mom how I feel and she said for me not to worry too much, but I can't stop worrying about if I can't fit in.
And changing schools means that I have to leave my old good friends, I knew most of them for almost 8 years and I knew some for 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, or 2 years and we have been through many things together and it seems like they're someone I actually turn to when I have problems and I have to speak to someone. It's like I knew most of them for so long and it's hard to leave them, when I told them that I'm leaving next year, they all begged me not to go, but I always say I can't, I have to leave. I think it might not be as horrible as when I told my friends I MIGHT be leaving for Sweden next year, but instead I'm leaving for a new school. It might not be as hard to leave them now since the school year is not over and I still have time with my friends, but as the day drew closer, I'm getting more nervous and sad.
So the point of this journal is that I want you guys to give me some tips. I'm kinda really nervous and really scared right now.
~millisiana
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